No Way, No How
In desperation I have agreed to be fixed up, by J.T., for my office Christmas Party. We met this afternoon, briefly, thinking that would give us a low pressure, chance to get to know each other....
I am just going to skip this pary. What was J.T. thinking? And just let me go on the record, I don't care how big someone's feet are. If their shoe size is greater than their I.Q., I am not interested. Shoe size was the only thing I think this guy had going for him. Okay, let me be fair. He wasn't hideous. He was....okay...looking. He's one of J.T's Army buddies, so he was in pretty good shape. But, and I mean but, he talked to my cleavage. Right until I walked out on him. And everything was babe this and dude that. And like you know, dude......He didn't like to read. Couldn't talk about books. T.V. show he most likes is "Extreme Video" , I think that's what he said. Something about video clips of catastrophic accidents and hold-ups gone bad. They have a T.V. show about that?
He has only finished high school. In and of itself, no big deal. But Todd, that's his name by the way, didn't hesitate to let me know he considered college a waste of prime time. ?????
I had to ask what he meant by that. Todd defined Prime Time as "the years between 18 and 30. When guys are primarly wanting to drink, party, surf, and f#@*." .....Yes, he actually said that.... To me......To my breasts, really. Let me tell you, I was just all kinds of impressed with his wit. He should be thankful I am no longer carrying a M-16 or a grenade launcher. Oh, did he deserve a grenade launcher......
But, I am desperate, so I gave him another chance at conversation. I asked what his plans for the future are. You know, are you going to go to college when your out of the Army? That sort of thing. His answer would have been less surprising if he were younger. He is 30. Todd said he doesn't stress about the future. " Whatever happens, happens. You know?"
Then it was Todd's turn for a question, because I was stumped. He asked me two questions.
"So, are they real?" and "You don't, like, have any, you know, problems with putting out on the first date, do you?".....
The most words he had strung together, the whole time, and that is what he wasted them on.
Apparently, he believed that since J.T. and I are such good buddies, I must put out. He's lucky I just walked out instead of slugging him. I wanted to slug him. I still want to slug him. So I came home. And there's his stupid cell phone number on my caller I.D.. And a message on my service asking why I Bitched out like that.
Please Lord, don't ever let him find someone stupid enough to reproduce with him.
How can J.T. and this jerk be buddies? Maybe I should slug J.T., too. For even thinking of Todd in the first place. Guess it's down to two choices. Go to the party by myself or skip the party (and catch hell from everyone at work). My pride is really getting in my way on this one. I don't want Jack to think he has me completely rattled......AARRGH! I just read that. How highschool did that read to you?
I'm going to go fix dinner and see if I can catch "Danny Phantom" or "Criminal Intent". Something decent.
Hey Fairy Godmother, you can start waving your wand anytime now!
I am just going to skip this pary. What was J.T. thinking? And just let me go on the record, I don't care how big someone's feet are. If their shoe size is greater than their I.Q., I am not interested. Shoe size was the only thing I think this guy had going for him. Okay, let me be fair. He wasn't hideous. He was....okay...looking. He's one of J.T's Army buddies, so he was in pretty good shape. But, and I mean but, he talked to my cleavage. Right until I walked out on him. And everything was babe this and dude that. And like you know, dude......He didn't like to read. Couldn't talk about books. T.V. show he most likes is "Extreme Video" , I think that's what he said. Something about video clips of catastrophic accidents and hold-ups gone bad. They have a T.V. show about that?
He has only finished high school. In and of itself, no big deal. But Todd, that's his name by the way, didn't hesitate to let me know he considered college a waste of prime time. ?????
I had to ask what he meant by that. Todd defined Prime Time as "the years between 18 and 30. When guys are primarly wanting to drink, party, surf, and f#@*." .....Yes, he actually said that.... To me......To my breasts, really. Let me tell you, I was just all kinds of impressed with his wit. He should be thankful I am no longer carrying a M-16 or a grenade launcher. Oh, did he deserve a grenade launcher......
But, I am desperate, so I gave him another chance at conversation. I asked what his plans for the future are. You know, are you going to go to college when your out of the Army? That sort of thing. His answer would have been less surprising if he were younger. He is 30. Todd said he doesn't stress about the future. " Whatever happens, happens. You know?"
Then it was Todd's turn for a question, because I was stumped. He asked me two questions.
"So, are they real?" and "You don't, like, have any, you know, problems with putting out on the first date, do you?".....
The most words he had strung together, the whole time, and that is what he wasted them on.
Apparently, he believed that since J.T. and I are such good buddies, I must put out. He's lucky I just walked out instead of slugging him. I wanted to slug him. I still want to slug him. So I came home. And there's his stupid cell phone number on my caller I.D.. And a message on my service asking why I Bitched out like that.
Please Lord, don't ever let him find someone stupid enough to reproduce with him.
How can J.T. and this jerk be buddies? Maybe I should slug J.T., too. For even thinking of Todd in the first place. Guess it's down to two choices. Go to the party by myself or skip the party (and catch hell from everyone at work). My pride is really getting in my way on this one. I don't want Jack to think he has me completely rattled......AARRGH! I just read that. How highschool did that read to you?
I'm going to go fix dinner and see if I can catch "Danny Phantom" or "Criminal Intent". Something decent.
Hey Fairy Godmother, you can start waving your wand anytime now!
posted by Faye_Hart | 6:01 PM
6 Comments:
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Normally I would take this oppritunity to say that this guy was a total ass clown, and make a few points like he was totally not worthy of you, and that even as a man who appreciates the female breast(and the rest of the female body for that matter) I find his " tit talking" unacceptable, but actually, I am going to reserve those platitudes and stay on message:You need to get even with your friend.Now!
How in the hell did he think that you-well spoken, funny, thoughtful, rockin' and (I am sure that I would say this if I saw you) sexy you, deserved to go out with this CHOAD? The man scrapes the bottom of the NY dating barrel and finds this guy for his FRIEND and expects a good match?
What the hell was he thinking, and for that matter, what are you thinking in regards to getting even? I know this is the season for "live and love", and I am a peacefull person, but if I had a friend who did this to me, I would get even. Got his housekeys? Stick a dead fish in the heat duct at the main ventilation point, and tape it there. Know where he parks? Fill his car with leaves! Take one day and make it hell for him, make him wish that he hadn't lived beyond childhood. Prove your point, be a snark, and move on. And for that matter, he will tell his friend about how much of a "bitch" you are, and his "marine granade launcher" will never call you again. Point made, and you win the day(or as the case of the mystery smell goes, days.)
I know, I am mean, but I would never do this, especially to any of my female friends, ever. He owes you, beeeeeeg time.And don't ever let him forget it,even after hell day.
Let the drudgery commence. 'cos paybacks are hell.
Hi Faye .... you poor thing. Hope the weekend is much better.
Thank you for visiting me. I need as much support as possible in dealing with my beloved (LOL)
lotsa luv ann xxxxx
LOL :) Thanks so much for you support.
Geoffrey: Remind me never to get on your bad side. ;) I I.M.'d J.T. last night about my day. He swears that he told the clown to treat me like I was J.T.'s sister. My response to that was did J.T. screw the jerks kid sister, or something. He has no idea why I was treated in such a manner, but he says that friendship is over.
And yes, Kismet, I am running like hell. I will never go anywhere near that dork again. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!
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The alternative, of course, is more fun, but way too messy.
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