Prospero Ano Nuevo

Happy 2006! Okay, I know this question will "date" me a bit, but did ya'll party like it's 1999?

Me, neither....I didn't even stick around to watch the ball drop, with my friends...Everything just seemed, I don't know, flat last night. Colorless. Instead of looking ahead, I found myself second guessing every decision I have made in my life. Did I get the right degree?.....Should I have stayed in the Army?.........(that one has a lot of guilt attached to it, I find myself thinking of my friends in Iraq. I think, gosh, you know, I should be there with them. Doesn't matter that I've been out for about a decade.).....A decade, I don't feel like it's been a decade. And I've been alive for over 3 of them......I don't really have much to show for it. Don't have a fat bank account, that's for sure. I like clothes shopping too much. And my car. But I don't own a house. Don't have a dog or a cat (allergies, but I'm on a roll). Don't have a husband. No kids. And what signifigant (hope I spelled that right) contributions to society have I provided. The next cure for cancer will not come from me. I will not sculpt the "Pieta'". I don't think this blog counts as the next great "American" novel. Really, if I disappeared from the Earth right now. All memories of me wiped clean. Would the Earth be any different?

I don't think so.....

You know, when I was in college, I was approached by representatives of the Rosucrusian Order. They asked me to join. Even offered to pay for all my studies. No matter what I wanted to study. They were the most interesting people. They gifted with books. They gifted me with a glimpse into their society and their lives. I'll tell you now. At that point in my life, I was a bit esoteric. Anyway, so I meditated on it. I consulted the Runes, several times. I did dream interpretations. Discussed it with friends. Prayed. Every answer, seemed, to come back the same. It felt like a positive direction when I meditated. The runes hinted at great knowledge and growth. They even hinted at me eventually teaching. Friends said, "Free education and travel around the world? Why are you still here? In a department store?" Prayer left me feeling like it was a positive decision as well. And yet, I didn't. A little voice just kept whispering, if you travel this path there is no turning back.......You will be changed.......

So, I didn't do it. I turned those wonderful people down. ........And now, every so often, I look back and wonder......How would I have changed?......What would I have seen and learned?......Would that have been where I would have made some difference?.........And I pray.
I pray I made the right decision and that I wasn't just chickening out.....I pray that I still get to do that one "good" thing that will leave my imprint on this planet and in someone's heart.

And to you, that one someone out there for me, and me alone. Where-ever you are, who-ever you are, I send my love. When we meet and I see myself reflected in your eyes, I pray I know you are the one and I don't let you slip by, or feel unloved. I will gift you with all the love, I saved just for you. I will gift you with slow, hot, passionate kisses....where our souls slip out and mingle on our breath. I will touch you reverantly as I caress your face and gaze into your eyes. I will wait for you. Don't make me wait too long though. I'd rather not be a withered crone before we touch, somewhere other than my dreams......

And to you, my blogging friends, I pray for all the best for you. Be it in romance, wealth, health, spirituality, direction, or somethingelse entirely. May the peace of God wash over you and may angels cradle you safe. All my love, this new day. This new year. God be with you........